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Friday, 25 June 2010

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    New World Disorder
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    Social fucking networking.

    Every once in awhile I feel the sudden urge to go out into the void and join one of those sites that are designed to "re-connect" with old friends or "meet" new people. I sit there and actually take the time to think about what I think would be an accurate description of me-thus-far. Who really knows? Hell half the time I have trouble envisioning what I must look like to other people.

    Can you really know who you are and honestly project that or are you only thinking in terms of what other people think about you?

    I always feel the same sense of emptiness after browsing, no matter what site it is. It's a productivity sink. I log in and look around at other people's lives and see everything that they have going for them. At least the things they want people to think they have going for them. Of course it would be pretentious of me to think that everybody works/thinks the same way I do, but from my perspective it seems like a huge waste of time.

    You look at the pictures people take of themselves and you wonder if they took them soley for the purpose of posting and proclaiming to the world, hey look at me, i'm not boring and my life is one big situational sitcom. It's an ego trip and with it comes all the aspects of social cliches...except amplified 100x.

    For some people it's like their lives don't exist unless it's validated in the eyes of other people.

    Have you ever seen those kin commercials? It's like they're creating these labels to put on people that fall victim to the social networking bug. For this example, its facebook in particular.

    -The friend you've never met.
    -The creepy guy that tries to hit on you.
    -The "poker"
    etc,

    What's worse is that these things are so vague that at one point or another, I bet you've been one of these people.

    Shit, I know it sounds like i'm hating but in the end I really do realize that it's just not for some people. Yeah, I will admit that for awhile I got sucked into the whole facebook thing. And from time to time i find myself rummaging through the personals on craigslist and getting on sites like plenty-of-fish. The result in the end is always the same though.

    Even if you do "meet" a new person, are you really meeting the person or are you meeting the character they've written for you in their "about me" section. In reality does anybody really know who they are? Is anybody really articulated enough to look in the mirror and put who their really are on the internet? Like those "hipster" people that take pics with nintendo controllers and post status updates like "I found my old final fantasy 2 cartridge" soley for that "old-school retro hipster cred". And at what point are do you stop being yourself and start being the person/character you've written for the rest of the world. From my own personal experience, no one is ever that 2 dimensional.

    Hell, It may work for some people, for instance if you've already got a tight knit group of friends you can form the same clique you have in real life online. Then theres the friend requests from people you knew from way back when and then the whole thing just snowballs, turning from social networking to social obligations.

    It also seems to make your personal information, that you may or may not want out there, pretty open for anyone to peruse. The flip side, and in my opinion scarier side to that is that it also makes it way too easy for YOU yourself to become the dreaded "profile-stalker". Only realizing it after you've wasted 3 hours looking up ex-girlfriends and old crushes/flames. There's not a shower cold enough that can wash away how filthy you feel after that.

    Am I anti-social for not having a facebook, twitter, or myspace? Yes and no. Yes in the fact that i'm not jumping aboard the bandwagon (again) and no in the fact that I know enough about myself to admit that i'm not stable enough of a person to be online. I'd find myself constantly rearranging my profile information and profile pictures like i'm trying to convince myself of who i am and what image i should project out there.

    By avoiding social networking like the plague i connect myself with only the people who are directly affected by my life. The people who would probably be best suited to actually write an "about me" for yours truely. After all they say that the best way to really get to know somebody, is to ask somebody else about that person. It's too easy for people to type anything. At least with blogging, yes it is personal, but at the same time it's constructed in a way that the only way someone could really intimately know you is if they sat through and analyzed all your passages. Information that you put out there in the void anyways.

    Hell if anyone were to actually stumble across my page and read my entries i'd find it a lot less creepy than if they were to message/hit me up on facebook, myspace, or twitter. At least this way I can live my life and be who I am. A person and not a character in an open book for everyone else to read.

    There's a certain truth, at least in my case (not knocking anybody else who this genuinely works for) in the saying "get a life."

Sunday, 20 June 2010

Saturday, 20 June 2009

  • Tunnel Vision

    Its funny how you get when you want something so badly. Most times you don't even realize what you're giving up to get it. 

    It's like we get into this tunnel vision that we can't see outside of. We spend hours, days, months and years trying to get somewhere and before you know it, you're where you wanted to be, or at least where you thought you wanted to be. 

    Things tend to change when you actually reach your goals. It's at that point we finally get a chance to slow down and take a look around, realizing that the drive to get to that one specific place, wrecked so much havoc along the way.

    Maybe where you thought you wanted to be is nothing like what you thought it would be. Like you finally got to that one point and realized that it just wasn't what you signed up for. 

    I think the most upsetting part about situations like this isn't that we let a couple of people down. It's the fact that when we finally get a chance to really think about it, the person that we let down the most is ourselves.

    The glory and excitement of getting all that you thought you ever wanted eventually fizzles out and drifts away. All thats left after that is your own personal demons.

    Is it ever really worth it?
     

Thursday, 18 June 2009

  • No Truer Two

    All relationships have their ups and downs. 

    A Dad who doesn't know how to talk to his family, losing himself in his work. A Mother sitting by a phone that never rings, just waiting for her children to take the time to speak to her. Or a best friend, drifting further and further away each day despite your best efforts. 

    When people start going their separate ways the entire situation is clouded over by a strange foreboding feeling. Like a calm panic, accepting defeat, telling you that there aren't any words that can fill the increasingly growing gap or break the deafening silence. Eventually these bridges are bound to break or burn.

    How do you tell someone that you don't want them to leave you without sounding clingy and overly melodramatic? 

    It's amazing how despite the fact that we sometimes get the opportunities to see our problems coming from miles away, it still takes us by suprise the moment it passes. Hell, If it were anybody else, walking away most likely wouldn't have even been a problem let alone a second thought. Which is why it really starts to bug you when you realize that with this person, you do care about the outcome.

    They say that it's always the closest people to you that hurt you the most. Like the moment you realize that the person leaving you, is doing so without saying a word or that the person you thought you could tell anything to is lying about where they've been and avoiding your messages. All the little things which start to show you that you're not as close as you thought you were to the people you've come to trust the most. At least not anymore.

    There are so many ways to go about situations like this, but while the bridges continue to burn most times you're just left staring at the remains, petrified and paralyzed because in all honesty, you wouldn't even know the words to say. 

    Even if time has long since passed, glazing the whole thing over with a silence that no one has bothered to break for years, sometimes the words just fail to come to you.

    In the end you just gotta let it go. It's dissapointing, but there really isn't anything you can say. At some point you realize that it's ultimately up to that person to take their own path. 

    You might still be the same person you were when the relationship started, but time changes everything. Even the things you thought never would. 

    This past week has really shown me that when people go off on their own, sometimes the only thing you can do is be confident and hope that their departure isn't goodbye forever, but rather, "take care of yourself buddy, i'll see ya when I see ya."

Tuesday, 16 June 2009

  • Dealbreaker

    Its funny how whenever a new relationship comes along, we find ourselves trying to jump through hoops trying to idealize a person in our mind. Like we're trying to sell ourselves on a person and convince ourselves that they're more than who they really are. Especially if we've been going through a very, very dry spell. Like we're falling for the idea of a relationship rather than the actual person themselves. We always get to that one point in the fledgling relationship when we head screaming for the hills. At least in my case that's ALWAYS true. The dealbreaker. 

    We rarely actually find a quality in someone else that makes them worth staying with, but its so easy to stumble across something that makes you want to forget them completely. As fast you can. Whenever you do hit that point though, you always know, and you just gotta trust your gut. You just gotta walk away. Of course one might call this self-sabatoge, but i call it, looking out for one's best intrests. The only thing you got to be careful about, is that you have to ask yourself, are you looking for a problem in someone or are you just afraid to take chances on anybody other than yourself?

    I find that if you take chances on people, they do tend to suprise you. You just have to be careful not exaggerate those qualities just because you've been feeling a little lonely. Even if you've been lonely for awhile now. You always gotta do what's best for yourself. No one wants to be a doormat. No one wants to taken advantage of, but everyone, everyone no matter how much of an island they say they are, wants to be loved.

    So to all the single, lonely hearts out there. Stay strong. You're someone's prince/princess charming.

    Don't settle for the stable boy.

modalsoul

  • Visit modalsoul's Xanga Site
    • Name: modalsoul
    • Location: Dallas, Texas, United States
    • Gender: Male
    • Member Since: 3/25/2007

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  • Sometimes you tell yourself "I'll sleep on it." You toss and turn and finally realize you already made your decision.
  • "Hey Lisa, i heard you lied and said we didn't do, admit it, we doinked!" "I was sad because my dad died..." "...I wasn't" LOL

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About Me

  • Forget your lust for the rich man's gold, all that you need is in your soul.

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